Participant Three: G

“There are a lot of grey areas in my life, a lot of ambiguity, maybe I don’t see the black and white, I’m stuck in the grey. It makes me think that I cannot be right, am I the only one who feels this way. I feel that I’ve got no understanding of, possibly why we are here, or what’s happening.”

“It’s a class divide really, if you’ve got money you’ve got more freedom, you’ve got more options, more choices. Society provides you that comfort, gives you that space. I’m not part of the elitist class and it makes me feel like I should feel like I’m less of a person because I can’t go everywhere as some people have the opportunity to. I will find it hard to be accepted into normal society, maybe when people see me they feel scared and they don’t want to let me in, because we are living in a society where people judge you on appearances and looks so anything after that is secondary so I don’t really feel as part of society.”

“Do I follow people or do I do what I believe is right, maybe I’m just imaging the sign, maybe it’s only me who sees the sign. I see the sign there but maybe it’s just an illusion, maybe I’m trying to fit in. Maybe I’m prepared to do the wrong thing just to fit in.”

“I see caricatures on the pavements, they are signals in which direction pedestrians should be walking in but I have used this pathway many, many times and people do the exact opposite. I don’t know if it’s unclear or if people misread it or everybody misreads it and I’m getting it right or vice versa. Maybe there should be arrows on the ground instead of those pictures so people can understand more. Do I go the other side and walk on the right hand side or do I keep to the left. Maybe a psychologist would be able to work that out, maybe a psychologist would be able to work me out. He may say: ‘No, they’re right’. Maybe I can’t interpret life correctly. Maybe these pictures will show if I’m wrong, if I’m right. Maybe I don’t express myself enough, maybe I try to curtail my natural personality to appease other people because people judge you on your looks. Maybe some people will say big guy, and he’s Black as well. If you were to have an interaction with them, they still have that perception in their mind and it’s down to you to break down their perception and you take a step back, be really sweet, be nice, to try to show them that you’re not what they’re thinking. Which I think is probably wrong but that’s probably what I’ve been doing. It’s them who has a problem. Even if I were to talk in a low voice, no matter what, because I’m going against whatever they were thinking they get more afraid, say I’m intimidating, say I’m shouting, even if I’m not. Maybe I am this way because of society, maybe because I’m not allowed to express myself. If you’re the top of the chain you can do that, if I make a complaint, the first that they always say is we’ll call the police, even if you try to be polite to them. I always try to hold all my emotions in check because they always try to turn it into a negative: ‘you’re being loud’, ‘you’re being aggressive’, ‘you’re being intimidating’. Maybe I am like this, and some other Black people are like this because they hold all their emotions in check, and they internalise it and it eats them up from the inside. That’s the reason why they probably go crazy, they’re not allowed to be themselves because society stops them from being themselves.”

“I see caricatures on the pavements, they are signals in which direction pedestrians should be walking in but I have used this pathway many, many times and people do the exact opposite. I don’t know if it’s unclear or if people misread it or everybody misreads it and I’m getting it right or vice versa. Maybe there should be arrows on the ground instead of those pictures so people can understand more. Do I go the other side and walk on the right hand side or do I keep to the left. Maybe a psychologist would be able to work that out, maybe a psychologist would be able to work me out. He may say: ‘No, they’re right’. Maybe I can’t interpret life correctly. Maybe these pictures will show if I’m wrong, if I’m right. Maybe I don’t express myself enough, maybe I try to curtail my natural personality to appease other people because people judge you on your looks. Maybe some people will say big guy, and he’s Black as well. If you were to have an interaction with them, they still have that perception in their mind and it’s down to you to break down their perception and you take a step back, be really sweet, be nice, to try to show them that you’re not what they’re thinking. Which I think is probably wrong but that’s probably what I’ve been doing. It’s them who has a problem. Even if I were to talk in a low voice, no matter what, because I’m going against whatever they were thinking they get more afraid, say I’m intimidating, say I’m shouting, even if I’m not. Maybe I am this way because of society, maybe because I’m not allowed to express myself. If you’re the top of the chain you can do that, if I make a complaint, the first that they always say is we’ll call the police, even if you try to be polite to them. I always try to hold all my emotions in check because they always try to turn it into a negative: ‘you’re being loud’, ‘you’re being aggressive’, ‘you’re being intimidating’. Maybe I am like this, and some other Black people are like this because they hold all their emotions in check, and they internalise it and it eats them up from the inside. That’s the reason why they probably go crazy, they’re not allowed to be themselves because society stops them from being themselves.”

“I’ve noticed when I’m walking on the street, people want me to step out of the way. When it’s raining people seem to have their umbrellas very low, so even when you’re passing them you have to duck down or put your hand to cover your eyes to stop the spikes on the end of the umbrella from catching your eye. People don’t mind hurting me, if they didn’t mind then they would hold the umbrella up. It’s something I find annoying that people are keeping them low deliberately. But then again, maybe I’m wrong, maybe there’s a reason why everybody does this. In society there’s a hierarchy of people that are cared for and those who are looked upon as more precious … at the bottom of that chain would probably be Black youths … I have seen a lot of Black guys stopped by the police in their cars or just walking. I’ve never seen people in the city, Bishops Gate, Liverpool Street or Canary Wharf being stopped by the police but I have seen them in Tottenham, Brixton etc, including myself. If you’ve never been stopped by the police, you think there’s nothing wrong in society and you give it no concern because it is not you being stopped and you think they’re being stopped so they must be doing something wrong. It’s only if they were being stopped themselves then they would feel that it is a problem. Those in power, they don’t get stopped and they probably feel it’s ok. They talk about democracy, this country being a democracy. I don’t think it ever will be until there’s equality and I honestly feel that it’s not going to be happening in my lifetime.”