Participant Eight: M

The myth of self-improvement “I’m messy. Messiness makes me feel creative. Though I like tidiness too, most times messiness makes me feel good and alive. Messiness requires no fixing. And contrary to the rest of the year when I looked at my flatmate’s always tidy room and thought I should always be tidy too – realising that’s not me marks positive steps towards self-acceptance and curiosity about all sorts of other behaviour and preferences that are different to other peoples’ around me.”

Old and young leaf “Psychosis dramatically altered my experience of time. Old or young? Not quite sure and there are times when the cross over between linear and non-linear time makes for incredible storytelling possibilities. I don’t take time for granted anymore and whatever it is, it’s weird and wonderful. Lingering on this possibility positively fortifies my mental health in a way that most other things don’t because it brings up extreme trust in the naturalness of life. And opens the door to so much gratitude for this short gasp of breath that is a life-time.”

Permeable mind “This is how I often feel – that there’s little skin between the inside and the outside. And though it looks beautiful in this photograph and yes, it has some advantages I am yet to discover anyone who is sensitive who has struggled to protect their fledgling sense of self at times when the world feels too close and their feelings splurged outwards. Particularly sensitive times are when the moon is full for me.”

Hiding bird “I’m a bird looking for a new jumper and preferably one that fits. It feels almost comical to be in this oversized jumper hiding away my wings and nature. Whilst it is comical, it’s also a tragic story and a side of my mental health I am recently discovering. Not quite trusting others for true intimacy but just generally not really wanting to be really KNOwn and seen as a multifaceted dark and light human being. Forever hiding light and dark isn’t good, and a lot of intensity builds underneath words not said and judgements not articulated and released.”

Dark holes “If I don’t look after my dark, mistrusting or self-loathing thoughts, by noticing and choosing to disengage with them, it’s a bit like looking in a plughole with despair. Often these thoughts aren’t voices but when they are talking back with humour helps tremendously. E.g. Negative complex: ‘You’re worthless and your life is too…’ Internal response: ‘yada yada yada…see you haven’t come up with a better line yet’. It’s so important for me to know that good mental health sometimes is simply putting the plug in the plughole.”